My high school graduation - retrospection

As the end of high school came nearer, I dreaded the upcomming annoyances of my classmates. Telling them "no, Im not interested" to their weekly party invites never got into their heads, so they would be more active on you now towards the end of school... of course.

It started out as usual: people asking me - me declining. But it escalated and soon even those people who normally never asked me also started asking. Im not a rude person, Im really not, but at this point I had to put my IRL-status to "invisible"/"not available" and simply forget their existance and continue with my drawing. They stopped asking faster than I expected when I stopped talking, and they must have wondered why I am like this.

My family were also pushing me ofc. They have always expected me to appear normal - always. Like relatives always do: they ignored facts and chosed hopes, dreams and fantasy instead. They knew something was wrong with me, and they still do. They just don't give a shit. My mother seemed to have this idea that I would go there, have the party of my life and then I would be a happy person. Sigh...

The week before gradiation, I was... frustrated. But since Im a problem solver, I always have backup plans, always. I wanted to avoid as much as possible. The official cermony of the school: getting your grades and having a dinner, I was totally fine with. Spending time around drunk people for several hours later that same day I was not fine with. Why can't people just leave me alone? I kept asking myself.

So I had a plan. I would lie to my family about going to the party. Get booze and "disappear" into the woods, spending 6 to 8 hours there or something all alone. It was a brilliant plan I must say, and I almost went with it, and don't really understand why I didn't. Anyway: in the end it turned out that one of childhood fri... person, was having a slowpaced, chilled-out BBQ "party"/"hangout" of his own coz he didn't wanna go to the big prom either. I think thats how he described it. I sacrificed myself and went to his place, just so I wouldn't have to lie to my family. I disliked it of course, and today I still wish I had just gone into the woods, and sat there for hours and hours, and then come home and act like everything was fine... Why pick the lesser of two evils when you can ignore both? Whatever...